They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
