So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
