We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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