I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
