i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
