How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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