Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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