Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Pants are for mortals
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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