Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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