so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I have fence marks all over my body
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I see more hoeing in ur future
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