oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
