Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
