Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
