I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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