I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
