he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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