I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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