this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize