I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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