This is not my ceiling
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
