Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
