i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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