i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
