I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
