I could have mohawked her pubes.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize