Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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