We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
