in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
