I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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