It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
