I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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