I could have mohawked her pubes.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
