So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
