I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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