I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
