When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
