sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize