Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
