So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
