dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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