During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
