Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
whose parrot is this?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
