I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
either way he was missing a nipple.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
