ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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