Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
