I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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