How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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