Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
