we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
