Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
