If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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