I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize