I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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