she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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