32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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