Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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