no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
