Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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