Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
