I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
