bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
