Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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