is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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