he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
