apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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