beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
