More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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