Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize