Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
