I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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