a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
