pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
