I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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