I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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