you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize