One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
