Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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