I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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