hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
