Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
