actually, I'm a sock model
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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