The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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