shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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