Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
