no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
