Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
