We won't sleep together?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize