DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
