His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
