I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
