Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
