that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
