what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
