fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
