I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
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