Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
His nipple licking is glorious
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