How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
