Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
