I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My balls are so social today.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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