I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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