you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
