You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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