People in love make me want to vomit
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
be right there i have to get my cape
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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