why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
