Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
