i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
