sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
its liver damage thursday
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
