Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
