Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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