The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
