I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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